Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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