im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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