and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
