I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize