How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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