Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
