It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
