How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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