I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
this will be a night to untag.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
