fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
