I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
