new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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