Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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