Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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