You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
