The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
