Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
