My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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