discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
