I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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