didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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