I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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