then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
