saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
