Pants 0. Shit 1.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
