I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
