also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
