3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
my liver is dry heaving
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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