White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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