im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
