I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
