No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
