i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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