Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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