he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just had sex on a roof
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
