god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
