found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize