I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
