just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize