Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize