break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I touched a dick in church today
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
