i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
