R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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