i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
