Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
