I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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