I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
