I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
