He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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