She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
