Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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