Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
