Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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