I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
