we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
