Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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