apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think people are normalizing furries
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
