Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
