I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Randomize
