I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
