Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
