after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
