So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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